


The you I have to let go

by NessieKoizumi



Category: Given (Manga)
Genre: Angst and Feels, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst and Romance, Goodbyes, M/M, Tragic Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-25
Updated: 2019-09-25
Packaged: 2020-10-28 02:35:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,088
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20771120
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NessieKoizumi/pseuds/NessieKoizumi
Summary: Even if it’s hard for Hiiragi, he has to let Shizusumi go.





	The you I have to let go

**Author's Note:**

> So this is an old work of mine, though it was changed so it could fit better as a given fanfic. It wasn’t supposed to be a one shot but I’m still not confident of my writing to write more than one chapter. Here goes nothing, hope you guys like it. Sorry if the character seem out of character , and if I have (I’m sure I do) any grammatical errors.

It was windy , the sky cried like never before ; that was what Hiiragi thought the weather would turn up that day, as he would love to see the weather that way, as if it is crying along with him. But it didn’t. It was sunny, bright the very opposite of everything Hiiragi thought the weather would be. It was the right weather for children to happily play tag around the park, the right weather for couple to walk hand in hand as they’re about to spend the whole day together but there he was, Kashima Hiiragi was sitting beside a bed. A bed that is occupied by a motionless guys with numerous medical support attached to him , the only thing that is keeping him alive.

Hiiragi never really know how he should react in this situation, who would have known and thought they’d have to face this kind of situation. Yagi Shizusumi wasn’t weak, he was the contrast of Hiiragi. Hiiragi is loud and kind of a trickster, he is easily offended, prone to sulk and always need to be pamper and the one he receives that kind of attention is none other than Shizusumi. For which Mafuyu was the perfect fit for Yuuki, Shizusumi was Hiiragi’s. They completed one another, Hiiragi was Shizusumi to love for better or worst.

“Today’s a big day Shizu.” Hiiragi placed his hands on Shizusumi and grabbed it tightly as he can without inflicting pain on him. 

Hiiragi haven’t been talking all that much that day, he doesn’t really talk to anyone since he spends most of his days and nights accompanying Shizusumi as if any moment he wandered, Shizusumi would suddenly vanished away. And that is something Hiiragi fears the most. He needs him, he misses his touches, he misses the way Shizusumi would placed his forehead before kissing the tip of his nose.

Looking at Shizusumi’s motionless expression, Hiiragi laughed at the irony. Shizusumi isn’t an expressive person, his emotion wasn’t like Hiiragi, it wasn’t on his sleeve, Shizusumi doesn’t really laugh or smile that much. He is often spotted with a blank, a far off look though he would give you a small smile if you pointed it out, for which you have to be lucky enough to catch a glimpse of it. Shizusumi have a broad shoulder, lean yet muscular body but now he just look sickeningly thin, his pale face seems even paler than before. 

“ I often said I love my guy with pale skin didn’t I ?” Hiiragi said as he rubs his finger on Shizusumi’s hand. 

Frantically, Hiiragi felt a strong desire to shake Shizusumi’s body so he would just open his eyes. The silent that surrounds him was alarming, he feels like someone is choking him and he’s gasping for air, he’s drowning and Shizusumi isn’t there to calm him down. The click clack sound of shoes, some with fast footsteps perhaps nurse running in fear of their patient dying on them if they can’t get help fast enough and some with slow almost weak footsteps, perhaps they are also facing the same ill fate.

“Your mom won’t visit you today, though I’m sure your dad will arrive soon. I stopped by your house this morning, she looked fine.Who am I kidding, she’s not okay Shizu . I’ve never seen her that way, Shizu please wake up. For her, for your mom, for you dad, for Mafuyu. You know he can’t deal with any more death. Yuuki isn’t feeling lonely over there. I’m sure he’s making tons of friends and is smiling over us, wishing nothing but the best. So just stay here, please open your eyes.”

Hiiragi had gripped his own hand so tight he’s leaving a mark. He doesn’t want to show his weak side, he doesn’t want Shizusumi to feel distressed over the fact he couldn’t be there to give him his support. He mumbled his last confession.

“Do it for me.”

Looking helplessly at the machine that is connecting to Shizusumi, Hiiragi could feel his heart beating frantically fearing the line might turn up into a straight line. Though in a few more hours, it will be. 

“ I never like holding your hands and so you would hold my hand and put it inside the pocket of your jeans, I still can’t seem to understand how both of our hands could fit in there though. You would always try to accommodate all of my childish whims. I guess I kinda took you for granted huh Shizu.”

Hiiragi had caught that one time Shizu had mumbled that Hiiragi’s palm was soft unlike his, the very first time he pretended he was still sleeping. Hiiragi would often do so, wanting nothing more but hear the words he could never hear about if he was awake. Shizusumi doesn’t really talk much and more often than not, would only listen to Hiiragi’s talk. 

“I never want to lose you Hiiragi.”

That very sentence will always haunts Hiiragi at night, how he should have stopped pretending he was sleeping and kissed Shizusumi passionately but Hiiragi was a coward and so he feign ignorance. Time couldn’t be rewind and he will always have to live with the consequences of his actions. It’s not like they were not properly dating, or that they have never said their vows, they had exchanged numerous I love you but something was different when Shizusumi said that. It feels more surreal, it feels like it was meant to be, it feels like home.

“If we’re living in a fanfic right now, you might miraculously wake up before the doctors arrive. But we’re not. I should have told you, not once but over and over again how much you mean to me. And I’m gonna live the rest of my life proving that. You won’t ever lose me, Shizu. I will always be yours. ”

“Hiiragi.”

Turning his head, Mafuyu is sporting his on the verge of crying expression with Uenoyama holding Mafuyu’s hand tightly. Uenoyama nods his head at Hiiragi and with the same intensity as Mafuyu, is looking at Shizusumi with such pained expression. Slowly making their way, both of them wrap their arms around Hiiragi and said that it is okay now. That Hiiragi no longer needs to act so strong, that it is okay for him to cry. And for that, after months and months of him holding back his tears, Hiiragi cried all of his pain out. He’s saying his goodbyes to the love of his life.

“Bye-bye Shizu.”


End file.
